Keep Screaming

Tired of the metallic taste I would dip the barrel of my gun in peanut butter. I wanted to die, but was going to take one more chance at life.

So with hot water spraying on me, I laid on the shower floor shaking.

I was broken. Detoxing. Screaming at God to let me go or fix me.

What the opioids hadn't taken already, the despair was about to.

So with the constant thought of killing myself I kept screaming.

The days went by and somehow I held on long enough.

There was no spiritual awakening, just pain.

And screaming.

I gained no great insight. But it happened. I found life again.

I cant explain to you how, sometimes it just happens.

When you keep screaming.

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……You don’t need a plan. You don’t need peace. You just need the part of you that still screams when everything else shuts down.

Because sometimes the scream is the seed.

And one day—without explanation—it becomes breath. Then movement. Then life.